I know. I have been working, and having some difficulty with the kids. they are just kids, I know, but the tantrums, beating sessions, loudness, foot stomping, and just basic chaos is wearing on me.

It's alot of work, and I don't even see them all day.

So I have been working hard, loving what I do in theory but pretty much hating where I do it. I love my friend Joe, and he is one of the few things that keeps me sane at that place. I help him as much as humanly possible and he does the same for me; we work as a team and get the day done together. It's how I feel nursing should be. Everyone is responsible for everyone and wow....amazing....work as a team.

not so much.

I am frustrated at how utterly cold people can be there. I txt Joe yesterday during the day telling him that I hate it when he has a day off and I have to work...because I feel like I don't have any friends there and its true. I was working with a girl I'll call toothy and a charge nurse I'll call enigma, and essentially, aside from feeling completely shut out and like I was being seen as a total loser and stupid person, I felt like I wasn't doing a good job on top of that. like everything I touched went to shit, in their eyes. like I was less than them. It sucked. And I would try to start a conversation and literally toothy would look at me like i had lepers crawling out my ears. I'm trying to not take stuff so personally both from my patients, children and coworkers, but its hard. I'm a sensitive person. So the other friend I have at work is a girl I'll call Babee NRg, and she's amazing. She taught me so much and I really respect the shit out of her. just found out she is probably leaving. Moving to a family practice where she doesn't have to work nights or holidays or weekends. And I'm completely lost. So there it is. Of the two people I can connect with, one is leaving, and this month at least, one is on evenings while I work days. Fucking fantastic.

Anyway, I never claimed to not be emo, but I'm done for the moment, I promise.

-T